The Gay Problem

Here is why the people campaigning against homosexuality will lose, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of history.

Reason Number 1: Little Gay Kids.

You can talk all you want about how homosexuality is evil, and how god thinks its wrong, and how people who want to have romantic relationships with other people of the same sex will burn in hell for the rest of eternity, but every single day, every hour, a little gay kid is born into the world. And that kid isn't going to wait until he is twenty-three to start doing gay things. He's going to show up at Thanksgiving at 5 years old and want to vacuum your living room while his cousins are playing flag football in the backyard. He's going to sneak off and put on some of your wife's underwear while everyone is playing trivial pursuit on the patio.

And are you going to tell that five year old that he's evil? Are you going to tell him that god is going to hate him for the rest of his life if he keeps that up? Are you going to be able to look him in the eyes and think that no matter how innocent he looks, what he's doing is terribly wrong and that its up to you and god to fix him?

True, there will be hard core religious people that will stick to their guns and say, "We don't hate that kid, we hate his actions. Anything is possible through god, and through persistence and prayer I will help that child find the right direction." But while religious zealots may be stubborn, they are not all blind. For every one that sticks to his scripture there will be two more that will look that kid in the eye and realize, "Well, that's just who that kid is. He doesn't know any better, he's just doing what feels natural. I don't care what the Bible says, this kid is not evil, and he's not going to hell just because he's a little saucy."

Now that may not happen the first Thanksgiving, but eventually, after seeing that little gay kid grow up right in front of their face, year after year, at some point they are going to realize that trying to turn him straight is like trying to grow apples on an orange tree. And if God didn't want that kid to be gay, he wouldn't have made him like that in the first place. Every single day, somewhere on earth, a religious anti-gay person looks a little gay kid straight in the eyes and realizes that. It's just a fact.

Reason Number 2: Altruistic, Compassionate, Pious Gay People (or Good, Godly Gays)

This one is connected to number one but slightly less crucial because gay adults simply aren't as cute as gay kids, so they're not going to change as many minds. But the upshot is this: it's easy to say that gay people are evil sinners when you don't know any, but when you start meeting them in person it becomes a lot harder. Because religious people already know what sinners look like: they're grumpy, they smoke pot, they lie, they steal, they hate life, they curse, and they cut you in line at Supercuts. But when you meet that gay coworker and she's none of these things, and is in fact a super kind and generous and loving person, even despite the crew cut, then you're going to have to rethink a couple of things.

It's like this: the Bible is like a roadmap to god, and there are times when the roadmap will tell you that you need to make a left to get to god, but if you look around with your own eyes you will see god down the street on the right. The whole reason Jesus came down to earth was to tell people that getting close was god was more important than following the map perfectly. The old school priests were saying "follow the map, no matter what." And Jesus was like, "If you see god on the right, and the map says make a left, screw the map and bang a right."

And so when a religious person meets a pious gay person, it's like they are standing at that intersection. Their Bible is telling them that being gay is wrong, and their preacher is telling them that gays are going ot hell, but any clearheaded religious person will see, at least unconsciously, that this lesbianic coworker has all of the qualities that a life in God is supposed to provide: altruism, compassion, a love of life and a love of fellow human beings.

Again, every day, somewhere out there in the world, an anti-gay person meets a gay person who defies all of their stereotypes (except for the crew cut). And even if this doesn't turn them pro-gay, it certainly takes a bit of the wind out of their gay-hating sails.

Reason Number 3: The Plight of the Deluded and the Anti-Gay Reaper

Now it's true that there are going to be people that will hardly be phased by little gay kids and good gays. There are two kinds of these people:

The first are what I will call "fantasy island" gay haters. These are the type of people that will stick to a theory, regardless of how much evidence proves it false. These are the people that could be in the middle of a cesarian and still deny that they were pregnant. In the long run, these hapless crusaders are bound to lose any contest where they are pitted against people who have the unique talent of modifying their world view to fit the facts. Just think about it for a second. What are the competitive advantages of being delusional (besides an invincible optimism I suppose)?

(Note: Any easy rebuttal here would be to point out that in a head to head race to run the most powerful country in the world, the more delusional candidate won. In the interest of not alienating anyone I won't accept or deny that, I just mention it because I'm sure some people are thinking that. Regardless, this discussion is about which side of history the hatred of homosexuality will end up on. The election was a one-time popularity contest; the issue of homosexuality is an ideological battle that will go several rounds before one contender is effectively knocked out. I'm contending that being delusional is a more decisive liability over the long term.)

The second kind of people that will remain unmoved in the face of gay kids and pious gays are what I will "old people." These are the people that still occasionally use the word "negro," watch Columbo, and fart loudly without even realizing that anything happened. Let's just say these people won't be able to champion the anti-gay cause for too much longer, god bless their old-school souls.

Conclusion

To sum up, the people most willing to let their minds be swayed by little gay kids and good gays are young people, because they are less likely to be stubborn in the face of facts, and they are less likely to be old people. Lucky for gays, young people are actually being born. Unfortunately for gay-hates, old people are dying, at a pretty steady clip I might add. Here's a formula for what's happening.

Population of the world
+ young people (more likely to like gays)
- old people (more likely to hate gays)
----------------------------------------------
a less gay-hating, more gay-liking world

Hmmm, let's just say the arithmatic doesn't look good for the gay haters. But hey, anything is possible through God, so I guess we'll just have to wait this one out.